MARLTON - Mid-morning July 25, Father Ian Trammell, diocesan coordinator of Respect Life Ministries, and two Monitor staffers arrived on the doorstep of the Harder home.

They were there to meet with Ashley Harder, the 21-year-old woman who was crowned Miss New Jersey USA last October, but four months later relinquished the title because she became pregnant.

Pageant rules prohibit contestants from being married, a parent or pregnant.

In the months since Harder announced her pregnancy, she has had her share of media attention. Some of the news coverage reported her story in a fair, professional manner, giving the facts and making no judgments. Other coverage was unkind, with caustic remarks, cruel innuendos and sensationalized headlines.

For The Monitor, the meeting with Father Trammell and Harder evolved into privileged time to hear about a young woman's story that goes well beyond the surface of her high-profile life.

Nowhere else was there mention of Harder's staunch Catholic faith, her membership at St. Joan of Arc Parish, her close-knit family and the values they hold dear. Her fervent desire to be a good mother to Ava Marie, who was born July 29, her commitment to the pro-life movement and her intention to volunteer with the diocesan Office of Family Life/Respect Life as an advocate for life was commendable.

In Harder's mind, when it came time to choosing between "the crown" or her baby, "there was never a choice," she said. "I saw it as God's way of telling me that my having Ava Marie was what he wanted."

Being in the public eye, Harder knew her decision would carry some consequences. Still, she persevered with the unwavering support of her parents, Michael and Donna Marie Harder, her grandmother, Dolores "Bunny" Flamini, and her siblings, Brittany, 18, and Michael, 12.

"My parents held me together and helped to guide me through the process and dealing with the media," she said, adding that for weeks there were reporters and photographers camped out on her front lawn "just waiting for a comment."

"That was pretty rough," she said. "But my parents did so much for me whether it was just being physically present or helping me get emotionally and spiritually focused on the fact that this baby was my life and that being a mother was what I was called to do."

When it comes to her baby, Harder said that she can "only hope that Ava Marie knows that from the minute I found out that I was pregnant how much I loved her and how much I wanted her."

"I pray that she grows up to be as resilient as I am," she said. "I want her to stay true to herself and to respect the person she is. That's what I have learned through this whole process, that I'm the one who has to be able to look at myself in the mirror and know that the life-changing decisions that I have made have been my choices. If Ava Marie can look at herself and be proud of who she is, then I have accomplished my goal as a mother."

Father Trammell came to know Harder through St. Joan of Arc Parish where he is Parochial Vicar and where Harder and her family are parishioners.

As diocesan coordinator of Respect Life Ministries, Father Trammell said that aggressive efforts to promote respect life initiatives are underway as part of a three-year strategic plan that continues and enhances the diocese's work in the areas of public information, pastoral care, public policy advocacy and prayer and worship events.

"We believe that in order to move forward with any effectiveness, a strategic plan is necessary to provide awareness as to where time, resources and energy can be channeled for a maximum effect while sustaining current programs that are working," he said.

Among the objectives of the strategic plan are to involve the youth of the diocese by forming consciousness, participation and sustainable leadership in pro-life activities in the diocese, said Father Trammell.

Among the ways that the office is looking to accomplish its goals are by energizing high school pro-life groups where they already exist and facilitating the formation of new groups where they do not exist; raising pro-life awareness in high school youth groups; energizing college pro-life groups where they exist and facilitating the formation of new groups where they do not exist; managing perceptions of pro-life through the careful use of marketing aimed at youth; holding an annual diocesan Youth Rally for Life with high school students as the target population.

Father Trammell said that it is his goal to have Harder help implement some of the strategic plan goals by volunteering to address high school students in the diocese on respect life issues.

"My hope is to have Ashley involved in respect life efforts and that she will be attractive to young people who may have an interest in this area," he said.

Without question, Harder said that her pregnancy and getting to know Father Trammell have broadened her knowledge of the respect life movement and its significance.

Attendance at the diocesan Red Mass in June at the Cathedral of St. Mary of the Assumption, Trenton, and having the privilege to meet Bishop John M. Smith, Congressman Chris Smith and Chief Justice Sam Alito, were profound learning experiences said Harder. Congressman Smith was honored this year with the diocesan St. Thomas More Award. Alito was last year's award recipient.

"I loved the concept of the Red Mass and I can truly appreciate people who work in the world of politics and how they constantly fight for what is right and just," she said.

Harder said she looks forward to the opportunity to reach out and be a source of encouragement to young women who may find themselves in situations similar to her own and let them know that there is "light at the end of the tunnel."

"Perhaps, if there are women who see someone like myself who has been in the public eye and has had to defend my decision to keep my baby, it might make it easier for them to make the decision to keep their babies as well," she said.

"If nothing else, I'll tell them that I know what a true miracle it is to conceive a child. When that child moves within you and you feel her kicking, there's nothing negative about it. You can't but help to fall in love with that baby. I never knew that I could love someone so much as I do Ava Marie," said Harder.

"The message I hope to get across is that it's not about what other people think, but it's about your relationship with the Lord because in the end, he's the only one who matters."